Tuesday march 17, 2015
Let me start by saying that – luckily – you have 9 months to prepare yourself for the birth of your first born. But let me immediately continue by saying that you CANNOT prepare yourself for something so unique, mindblowing, earthshocking…So preparation is an illusion, but one you are willing to believe to stay calm about it 🙂
Let’s return to the end of my last blogpost about my pregnancy (that you can read here): a letter from the hospital saying they expect me the 17th of March at 7 o’clock in the morning for my c-section (sometime in the afternoon…) So that will be THE day that i finally get to meet you, little one. Yes! Only the early morning hour bothers me a bit, cause i’m not allowed to eat any more in the morning and being pregnant and all…I’m pretty hungry all the time these days 🙂 But a phone call later it’s clear that 12 o’clock is fine. So i try to stay in bed as long as i can (untill my back starts to hurt too much), and then we prepare to leave for the hospital. We realize we forgot a glass jar for the candy we’re taking with us. So on the way to the hospital we stop at IKEA. #howsurreal. Around noon we arrive at the maternity ward. My boyfriend goes back and forth to our car a few times in a row to get all our stuff out. (man we brought a lot of stuff!), while i walk around the room i’m going to spend the next 6 days in.
I stop in the bathroom for a moment and look at the little crib where you will be sleeping in aproximately 5 hours or so. You will be our first daughter. We will take care of you the rest of our lives. It’s starting to sink in a bit, in a few hours time i will become a mother. On the other hand, i can’t imaging being a mom at all, and don’t really have emotions at the moment. I’m just really focused and calm…
One of the midwives comes into the room to bring some medication they will be needing later on. She can’t tell me anything about the hour of my c-section. #bepatient #imnogoodatthat
My boyfriend is finally ready with “the big move” and starts eating his lunch. I’m not hungry so it doesn’t bother me at all. I start to unpack my clothes, your first little outfits…Trying to create a “home” feeling. Then i suddenly realise i forgot baby shampoo and diapers!! Luckily the hospital provides everybody with a welcome package (with diapers and shampoo and creams) so we won’t have to worry about that! Sigh…
Then the midwife returns to hook me up to the baby monitor, so mandatory bed rest for the moment. The hour i’m having my c-section is still a big question mark. But it seems like i’ll be the last patiënt of the day… uh 🙁
Funny little note: while i was pregnant i thought of a mental aid to get me through labour and make me smile. I was going to paint my toe nails pink with golden glitters on it. Of course i didn’t know then that i was going to have a c-section, but yesterday evening i did it anyways 🙂 haha. So now a hospital “footsie”.
By the looks of the monitor result you are feeling pretty good, you’re quite active to be honest. I realize i’m going to miss those little kicks of you. #emotionalmoment. A few minutes later the midwife takes away the monitor so i can leave my bed again. I descide to play a little game with you (one i already played so many times). I gently push my belly at the right side (where your little hands are). And then i wait. And you push back! Awesome! This always makes me feel so connected with you, even though you are not born yet. You have no idea that in a few hours time we will really meet each other for the first time!
The midwife tells us that in about 30 minutes they will come to take me to the OR. Yes Finally! Now i start to become a bit nervous. My boyfriend kills the time by throwing candy in the air and trying to catch it with his mouth…Sooo funny…i start giggling (you know that kind of giggle when you are really nervous)
4 o’clock: Finally it’s time to go. I have to wait a few minutes near the OR. My boyfriend takes one last pregnant photograph 😉
And what happens next i can only tell you in words… By 5 o’clock i’ve had my epidural and i’m totally ready for it! The gyneacologist preforms the surgery (behind a blue curtain, just like on tv). My boyfriend is really happy with that, unlike me, he doesn’t want to see anything. Some 20 minutes later we hear a little cry, and then a BIG cry and they hold you up above the curtain and congratulate us. We finally meet you for the first time little girl. You are called Juliet! And how gorgeous and tiny you look. According to procedures they immediately take you to the next room to examine you but you are in perfect condition. They bring you back to me and put you on my chest. You are clearly hungry and start to drink on the spot. The midwife sais she doesn’t see that very often, that immediately after a c-section a baby starts to drink. I feel even more proud if that is even possible 🙂 🙂
The only thing i struggle with is the “mommy” feeling, i still can’t quite grasp the idea that you are my daughter. Looking back i think that has a lot to do with the c-section itself, that i didn’t have a natural birth. You were in my belly, and suddenly i was holding you. What i do feel is the need to take care of you, and the worry that really everything is ok with you!? After a few minutes you have to leave with dad, so they can close the wound of my c-section. That takes another half hour or so. Then the doctor sais: ‘if you can move your feet in a few minutes you can immediately go to the maternity ward again. No need to go to recovery. Waha he doesn’t have to repeat that. I throw my feat in the air (almost in his face) and i’m happy that i can return to you. Unfortunately due to a computer error they registered me at recovery so i have to go there first and then wait for “transport”. That’s such a big bummer! I annoy the nurses every 5 minutes by asking when i can finally go to my room. After again 30 minutes it’s finally time to look at your lovely little face again!! 🙂 🙂 What a miracle you are!
My boyfriend sais to me (i’ll never forget): “Darling i was afraid to move even an inch while you were gone. I sat in the same position the whole time. Because she is so ‘new’ & ‘fresh’, i was so afraid to ‘break’ her’ 🙂
And then we start our first night together….
Wednesday 18th March 2015
Didn’t get much sleep tonight, every 2 hours your little stomach was empty and milk was needed. Besides that the hospital bed made an incredible amount of noise whenever i moved an inch so i was so nervous to wake you up that i lay in the most unconfortable positions all night long. Of course during feeding time the lights went on and i had to call for the midwife EVERY SINGLE time because breastfeeding is hard when it’s your first time! But all in all we were expecting all this & we are still on an adrenaline rush from becoming first time parents 🙂 Yay for the adrenaline! And i’m super happy with the custom bunting i made myself to welcome you into the world. #proudmom
Time to announce to the world that you are born! First time selfie with you on instagram and first facebook picture sent out into the world. A lot of friends and family really like your name (and the way it is written).
Thursday 19th march 2015
Today i’m allowed (no, it’s mandatory 🙂 ) out of bed and take a shower with some help of the midwife. But let me tell ya, it’s the WORST shower of my life. Those 10 steps to the bathroom take forever and hurt like hell. It feels as if my tummy is on fire. Getting dressed is as least as painfull. I’m so happy when i get to return to my bed. But i don’t have time to rest. I get visitors till noon (midwife, doctor, chiropractor) #leavemealoneplease
Luckily it’s family time in the afternoon. Our parents are coming to hospital to admire you for the first time. Also your grandmother and your aunt. You smile at everyone and are passed on from arm to arm.
There is just one little setback. The paediatrician tells me that you have to wear some type of “fabric armour” (sorry don’t know the exact translation) that will make sure your little hips stay in a 90 degree aingle. This to help the hip bone to stay in its joint, because this is not fully developed yet. I immediately think this is my fault cause you’ve been in that breech position for so long (with your little feet to your face) that your hips couldn’t develop properly. But the doctor assures me this is not the reason. When he returns with the little fabric thing i start to cry anyways, i feel so sad for you cause you will be “stuck” in this for at least 2 months. The only positiv thing is that i kinda like the retro print on it. #ourlittleretrobaby
Friday 20th of March 2015
After another sleepless night i get “the mommy blues”. Your are terrific little one and it’s really not your fault i’m feeling like this. It’s the combination of too little sleep, too much worry and the emotion rollercoaster that i’m on since tuesday. I call my sister and start crying my eyes out. I tell her all about my worries and thoughts, she calmly listens to all my ramblings…She proposes to keep me company this evening and stay over at the hospital so she can help me to nurse you (and so your dad can go home and have a good rest too). What a wonderfull idea!
Saturday 21st March 2015
My sister is a miracle worker. For the first time in 3 days i got a good night sleep and you are, as always, a happy baby. Now it’s bath time. For me it’s still waaaay too painfull to stay on my feet for too long so my sister takes over. I try to take a few pictures meanwhile. You are having a blast little one. You really love baths, but you hate the after part and the getting dressed haha.
Sunday 22th March 2015
Today is a quiet day for a change. My sister has to leave, your dad is coming in a hour or so. You are still sleeping, so i get some me-time. I get dressed (still in a granny-way 🙂 ) put on some make-up (first time in days) and take a few pictures. I’m really looking forward to taking you home with us.
Monday 23rd March 2015
Today we are taking you home little darling! It’s sunny outside, perfect day to leave. I enjoy a last breakfast and lunch at the hospital while your dad packs our bags. Then we leave the maternity ward.
You in your little bear outfit (that is still way too big), me in a wheelchair. When we get to the entrance of the parking lot we leave the chair behind but oh boy that was a miscalculation. The car is parked nearby but still way too far for me to walk. My whole body aches and i really struggle to get there (feel like a old lady with an new hip or something). But finally we get there, and our new life awaits us…
Next week on the blog: your first month with us!